第一次遇见花香的那刻第五集观后感:友情or爱情?拨开性取向的迷思

2021.12.08 06:00 havecarbs 第一次遇见花香的那刻第五集观后感:友情or爱情?拨开性取向的迷思

这一集可谓是充满张力的一集,我们的怡敏学姐总算在历经了高中,大学再到十五年后的已为人妻的今天,也就是从对同性产生悸动但被世俗的压力劝退的高中时期,到自以为已然正常的“上大学就是要交男朋友啊”的大学阶段,再到如愿“有老公,有小孩”但又过得并不幸福的婚姻阶段与年少时的恋人学妹亭亭再次相爱,并最终总算是承认和差不多的接受了自己喜欢亭亭,喜欢的是一个同性的事实的这十几年的拉扯的过程,真是让人揪心和心疼。
怡敏之所以会这么痛苦地历经这么一个逃避-忽视-承认的阶段,究其直接原因,其实第五集已经两次点出了,分别是大学时期的怡敏貌似很释怀和老道的对亭亭说的“友情跟爱情还是有一点不一样的”以及末尾怡敏跟老公摊牌后,老公说的“但拜托那个是,那个叫做友情,不是感情,不是像我们夫妻之间的这种感情”。
这两次提到的友情和爱情的对比实在巧妙,第一个是怡敏已然接受了社会对于爱情和友情的分野的定义,即爱情只会产生于生理性别的男和女之间,两个女性之间的只能是友情,也就是说她把她和亭亭之间的感情叫做“友情”,而她和她的男朋友之间的叫做“爱情”,所以似乎也可以解释为什么大学时候的怡敏可以面对亭亭的时候那么淡定和从容还看似老道的用一种希望执迷不悟的亭亭也能“改邪归正”的过来人语气了,因为只是友情,只是“朋友”不是吗?
而另一次是当她向她老公坦白自己已经喜欢上别人,且这个人是同为女性的亭亭后,老公的反应似乎从原本的无比愤怒再到愤怒中夹杂着些许的轻蔑?觉得怡敏在胡闹。但这样的反应不就对应着使她大学时期接受并且内化为自己的思想的关于友情和爱情的分野的世俗社会观念吗?(两个女生之间怎么会有爱情?)老公的话和反应是大学时期影响怡敏的隐形的主流观念的现身,但这一次,怡敏已经无法自我洗脑和欺骗自己了,他人对于友情和爱情的简单粗暴的定义已然没法再适用于自己的实际情况了,她无比确定,和亭亭的就是爱情,而不是所谓的友情。
友情和爱情的差异和不同,似乎是很显而易见的,就像社会普遍认为的那样,同性间的是友情,比如我们常挂在嘴边的好姐妹和好兄弟。以及很著名的论断:男女间是没有纯友谊的。因而我们把从小就玩得好的女孩叫闺蜜,以及从幼儿园开始就会有大人开始打趣,“有没有喜欢的男孩啊”“有没有谈男朋友啊”诸如此类的话。于是我们就渐渐地认为,女孩子之间的只能是纯纯的友情,爱情是只有在和男孩子接触的时候才会产生,再加上青春期的时候躁动的少男少女们还喜欢瞎起哄,这样的成长环境和异性恋霸权的大环境的浸染下,久而久之,我们都接受了这样的观念。
所以这就不难理解为什么怡敏步步都走得让人糟心,直到这一集还有人在叫她台敏,但她已经很勇敢了不是吗?毕竟她与你我一样,同处在差不多的环境里,被差不多的异性恋文化渗透,也自认为自己应该是个纯粹的异性恋。就像儿子小哲就是跟别的普通孩子不一样一样,自己的恋爱取向也好像就是跟别的普通女孩不一样。承认这两种不一样,需要的都是勇于接受真实,接受现实的勇气,但怡敏似乎都做到了,这对她的心理其实是双重的巨大突破,毕竟能破除友情和爱情的固定分野,不是一件易事。
性取向/性倾向(Sexual Orientation),是一个越来越多被现代人讨论的概念,很多人把这部剧也定义为女同性恋题材的剧,这样的划分没有错,就像社会简单粗暴的把人分成“正常”的的异性恋和作为性少数群体的同性恋,以及经常受到非议,两头不讨好的双性恋,另外还有泛性恋、无性恋等等的这里就不赘述了,我们主要讲前面三种。这三种性向的定义大概大家都知道,分别是只喜欢生理性别为异性的,只喜欢生理性别为同性的,以及既有可能喜欢同性,又有可能喜欢异性的,这里的“喜欢”指的大概是会产生所谓的“性吸引”,也就是亲亲抱抱举高高的那种喜欢。但,正所谓,世界上没有绝对的异性恋。
举个例子,比如我是一名自认为是异性恋的女性,我当然是喜欢生理性别为男的男人,那么男人里面,自然是帅哥会受到我的喜爱,但是假如我遇到了一名看起来是帅哥,但其生理性别为女,自我性别认同也是女的女性,只不过日常喜欢中性帅气的短发和打扮,也就是看起来和男的一模一样,这样的女生无论性倾向是男或女,我们都会下意识的认为她是一个t,那么如果我爱上了她,她对我产生了性吸引,似乎就可以把我定义为女同性恋。但我们相处下来可能并不合适,或是我只是对她单相思,我下一段恋爱又找了一个男生,这个时候会出现两种我们熟知的声音:不要靠近直女,会变得不幸or不要靠近双,会变得不幸。但这其实让我很困惑,为什么呢?我只是喜欢帅气的外表啊,为什么我的性倾向有这么多争议呢?
这里其实就要引入一个概念:社会性别(gender)(细心的孩子应该能发现,我前面一直强调的是生理性别),其相对于生理性别而言,
“是一种文化构成物,是通过社会实践的作用发展而成的女性和男性之间的角色、行为、思想和感情特征方面的差别。”(刘霓.社会性别——西方女性主义理论的中心概念[J].国外社会科学,2001(06):52-57.) 简言之,社会性别是一种文化建构的产物,我们所谓的男性气质和女性气质都是由这个神奇的社会性别建构的,比如典型的“男主外,女主内”的传统性别分工就是社会性别建构出来的的,比如帅气属于男性气质,而漂亮属于女性气质,生理性别的男和女正是要顺从这种社会性别的建构,才能算是被社会接受的,正常的,反之帅气的女孩和精致漂亮的男孩就会被认为是奇怪的,是异类。
那么说到这里似乎就可以理解了,因为我喜欢的不是生理性别的男人,而只是那种帅气的特质,这样的特质无论出现在哪个人身上,我都有可能心动,因而对我的性倾向的定义是几乎无意义的。就像我们在说自己的性取向的时候,往往指的其实都是社会性别,只是我们自己没有意识到而已。纯粹的异性恋和纯粹的同性恋大概都是少见的,只不过我们偏好的诸如帅气的气质有可能多出现在男性身上或是偏好的温柔体贴的特质多出现在女性身上,那么恰好我们就是这一种性取向的人了。而异性恋之所以能成为主流,除了与“基因”(或者说所谓的异性相吸)有关,必然也有社会性别刻意的建构的影响。当然,也并不排除有的人就是特别纯粹的单一性向的人,这也无可厚非,毕竟生理性别也很重要,很多人的确接受不了和自己同性的人发生性关系,这也是正常的。
所以,其实说了那么久关于性取向,我们会愈发意识到这个概念的无意义,同性恋、异性恋都不过是标签,是他人对自己的定义。只是异性恋的主流霸权地位确实挤压了性少数群体的生活空间,不断地让会对同性心动的“不一样”的自己产生自我怀疑,自我否定,甚至于伤害无辜的他人,在《花香》里就表现为怡敏对亭亭的伤害,当然还有对即将成为她的前夫的伤害。
但他人毕竟不是你自己,他们体会不了你的真实感受和主观体验。准前夫哥说的“那个叫做友情,不是感情,不是像我们夫妻之间的这种感情”是多么脆弱和无力,毕竟怡敏和亭亭的真实相处和心动细节是除她们之外,无人知晓的,旁人又怎么能够轻易地下论断?友情和爱情的界限,很多时候就像歌里唱的那样,“而我已经分不清,你是友情,还是错过的爱情”,非常模糊。
毕竟你可以把心动的时刻解释成心率不齐,可以把想要靠近的冲动解释成渴望朋友的温暖,可以把明明不那么简单的喜欢解释成姐妹情深。但你总有一天会骗不了自己,会抵挡不住,平静又汹涌的爱。
所以我才认为《花香》并不是一部典型/纯粹的女同性恋影片,它更多的是关于自我认知,关于勇敢,关于自我接纳,关于我们可以和别人不一样。
人生短暂,不要被世俗的爱情和友情的边界所限,破除性取向的迷思之后,就像上野千鹤子所说的“女权主义者是一个‘自我申述概念’,没有真伪之分”,爱情同样也是如此,没有标准答案和模板。除了自己,没有人能够定义你的爱情。你只需要考虑的,是自己的真实感受。
人生漫长,自我欺骗的滋味可不好受哦。
豆瓣原帖
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2021.12.08 06:00 SomeGuyy5 Is there anything I can still improve this build with outside of just finishing ranking up arcane and mod or adding a riven mod

Is there anything I can still improve this build with outside of just finishing ranking up arcane and mod or adding a riven mod submitted by SomeGuyy5 to Warframe [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 06:00 The_Dwemer_Automaton Workshop Wednesday - Give Crafting Tips, Offer Services, Help Your Fellow Crafters!

Hey folks,
Welcome to Workshop Wednesday, a community-building, regularly occurring thread on the subreddit!
Workshop Wednesday is a thread aimed at all things crafting, from sharing tips and knowledge, providing assistance, or offering crafting services to others.
Got a way to get more of those pesky crafting mats into your inventory? Have a rare recipe you're willing to produce for others? Just want to help with crafting as a whole? Let the community know here!
Crafting is a deep system in The Elder Scrolls Online with multiple professions, so be sure to participate in the thread whether you're a crafting novice or a master at sweetroll baking.
Please keep in mind the 'no personal attacks' rule in our sidebar, disagree respectfully with others, and know that a repeated or seemingly obvious bit of knowledge may not be obvious to everyone.
In addition, please be careful about posting in-game information about your account name/characters for conducting crafting business. We recommend contact information be shared privately to keep your account secure.
We look forward to your contributions!  
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2021.12.08 06:00 Conscious-Rip6365 I will give you the worst advice ever

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2021.12.08 06:00 Batman-Sherlock Is there a sparx showroom in Chennai?

I tried to google it but it didnt show. If not Sparx which footwear showroom would have Sparx's?
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2021.12.08 06:00 rtbot2 Germany: New government plans 'right to encryption'.

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2021.12.08 06:00 ilikeprettyladies Ariadna on a beach

Ariadna on a beach submitted by ilikeprettyladies to Ari_Maj [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 06:00 Benarl Diagonal Argument : Cantor, Turing, Tarski and Lawvere

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2021.12.08 06:00 wtfbtc_ Current Bitcoin transaction fees: BCH Next Block: $0.0024 BCH Median: $0.0010 BTC Next Block: $0.25 BTC Median: $0.49

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2021.12.08 06:00 Nicole-Boner Lisa Frank inspired art :)

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2021.12.08 06:00 Fit_Flatworm874 Boyfriends that want new female friends/ coffee?

Is it ok for boyfriend to make new female friends, ask them for their contact or social media?
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2021.12.08 06:00 NeverGonna2008 Again, mod removed my another post on r/Minecraft so instead, i'll post my removed post here with rickroll related minecraft vid from YT shorts...

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2021.12.08 06:00 qznc_bot2 DeepMind's Player of Games, a general-purpose game algorithm

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2021.12.08 06:00 The_Dwemer_Automaton [Daily] Set Discussion: Tooth of Lokkestiiz

Tooth of Lokkestiiz
Obtainable as: Jewels, Weapons, Medium Armor
Type: Trial
Location: Sunspire
 
Set Bonuses

Items Bonus
2 Adds 129 Weapon and Spell Damage
3 Gain Minor Slayer at all times, increasing your damage done to Dungeon, Trial, and Arena Monsters by 5%.
4 Adds 129 Weapon and Spell Damage
5 When you activate a synergy while in combat, gain Major Slayer for 16 seconds, increasing your damage done to Dungeon and Trial monsters by 10%.
 
Be sure to think about strengths, weaknesses, counters, and synergies in your discussions. Please vote based on contribution, not opinion.
 
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You can find the archive of daily set discussions here.  
I was programmed to write posts automatically by Woeler. If you have any questions or suggestions about me or my posts, please join this Discord server. Did you know I am also available as a Discord bot? I can provide all kinds of ESO related information to your Discord server. Click here to add me.
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2021.12.08 06:00 Siarry Arnold24x24 | antiPLUR - Speed of Link [200 000 000m/s] + HDHR (8.03*) 99.16% FC #1 | 712pp | 78.36 UR

Arnold24x24 | antiPLUR - Speed of Link [200 000 000m/s] + HDHR (8.03*) 99.16% FC #1 | 712pp | 78.36 UR submitted by Siarry to osugame [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 06:00 WorldFlipperBot Co-Op Challenge Event & Daily Mission Season 2

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2021.12.08 06:00 Fricki97 Yeah...nothing more attractive than being busted by the police

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2021.12.08 06:00 Gersza Why would you spend too much money for anything? Wish promo codes 2021, wish.com promo codes 2021, Wish 80%

Why would you spend too much money for anything? Wish promo codes 2021, wish.com promo codes 2021, Wish 80% submitted by Gersza to WishPromoCodeShare [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 06:00 super_brutal_mouse the mulitplayer update is coming, time to get your skis back on...

https://www.sutur.io/descentalps
its winter time, its time to get your mates together (up to 9 of them) and bundle down a mountain as fast as you can!
i bloody love this game and hope it does really well
(you can even add 12 of your own mp3s as well)
enjoy :)
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2021.12.08 06:00 othershwarna Terrace gardening kit available for Rs 225.

Link to Application
This is an initiative by the horticulture department. The kit comes with compressed coconut coir, seeds, bio fertilizer and bio pesticides.
We bought this kit before the great floods of 2015 and the only downside is the grow bag which comes with the kit is biodegradable plastic.. so it needs changing after few years.
It was a great starter kit. It even comes with garden shovels and seed planters.
They provide extra seeds for 15 rs (12 varities) and manure for rs 25.
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2021.12.08 06:00 Fatal_Nightmare А у вас есть дракон?

А у вас есть дракон? submitted by Fatal_Nightmare to Pikabu [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 06:00 Robo-TINA Thread Diario de Dudas, Consultas y Mitaps - 08/12

Thread Diario de Dudas y Consultas!
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2021.12.08 06:00 Carrottossy Does anyobody have the tabs to the Gorod song Bekhten's Curse?

I'd like to see if I can play the main tapping riff of the song, but I can't seem to find the tabs. Do any of you have them?
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2021.12.08 06:00 CronoDroid BIBI - The Girl from Ipanema (Written by Antônio Carlos Jobim, Vinícius de Moraes, Norman Gimbel) @ Begin Again Open Mic (211208)

BIBI - The Girl from Ipanema (Written by Antônio Carlos Jobim, Vinícius de Moraes, Norman Gimbel) @ Begin Again Open Mic (211208) submitted by CronoDroid to kpop [link] [comments]


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